OMW 2 L.A.
Finally, I made it to Arizona!! It was a pretty interesting journey getting here. Driving through the mountains are no joke. You really must be on your P’s and Q’s WHILE driving over sixty-five miles per hour. I did great though. My little putt-putt was getting it up and down the hills. Little Sasha was pushing it around those curves like she was a professional lol. Nah, but really, the car did well until we got closer to Phoenix, she really started to feel the pressure of riding up those big mountains with so much weight in the car. Nevertheless, I made it and I only have about five more hours until I touch down in L.A. It is then that I think tears of joy will be shed.
Now I am here with my big cousin Naheema having a jolly ole’ time. First of all, I was taken back by the stifling heat that Arizona has the nerve to offer. It’s almost like Cleveland’s humidity but not quite. You can feel the sun beating down on all parts of your body here in Arizona. The house we are staying occupying is so cozy and beautiful. It didn’t look like much on the outside but once I stepped into the front door I have welcomed with air conditioning a spacious foyer. Immediately to the right of me was a dining room with a fifty-inch flat screen t.v. against the wall. The living flowed into two hallways on opposite ends of the room. The kitchen was also large and open which I loved. Through the kitchen led this huge living room with another large flat screen television, a small yet simple workout area, and a sectional sofa. I don’t want to give a lot of details about her friend’s home, but, I will say it is kept up very well.
During my stay here in Arizona, I got to know my big cousin much better. I haven’t seen her in over ten years, maybe, and from that time til now she is totally a different person. She has become a person that has been through hell and back and willing to get up and try again. I learned so many things about her and her journey that it has inspired me to keep pushing for L.A. I’m going, to be honest! I had quite a few teary-eyed, doubtful moments as things are becoming more REAL. The fact that Los Angeles can really swallow you up whole if you’re not careful, is real. I spent hours trying to find a roommate online and it just as worse as shopping for apartments. Everything is expensive out here and it’s becoming harder and harder for me each day. My money is dwindling down, and I still have to find a place to stay, keep gas in my car, possibly eat and find a roof over my head. I was truly doubting myself. However, I know I can do it. So, I chose to let everything go and just be happy. I put on some music and started to dance because I am so thankful that I had time to rest in such a beautiful home. Suddenly, my phone rings and it’s my manager for my new job. I thought she was calling to see if I made it here safely and yes, she did ask. However, the main reason why she called is to tell me I couldn’t start work until my background check cleared. She assured me everything should be fine, it's just that things like this take time in the mid-west. My heart dropped to the pit stomach. I was hoping to start my job the next day to start bringing in some money so I can start paying rent with a potential roommate that I found (thank GOD I found someone that was legit!).
Distraught is not the right word. Humiliated because I had no place to go is not at all how I was feeling at the moment. Negative thoughts were swimming rapidly in my head. I knew this was bad, but I could not help it to save my life. Mentally and emotionally, I was drained…then I had a long talk with my cousin. She saw me crying and I told her what happened. Even though she doesn’t exactly know how to consolidate a person when they are “crying”, her words comforted me in ways that put my spirit at ease. She told me her stories and I was amazed. After that, I knew I needed to keep going. I may be scared now, but once I get to L.A., fear should be the last thing on my mind. That’s what she said to me, “Fear is the last thing you have to worry about. You got shit to do!” Changing my mindset to constantly remind myself to be positive and uplifting is a challenge. I have been doubting myself for so long it’s an everyday routine. You think driving across the country was hard, no! That was the easy part because you don’t have to deal with too much right now. LIFE, as in decision making, doing what I must to keep your head above water, whatever the case may be, hasn’t happened yet. But it has too once I put my foot in Los Angeles. I must check myself whenever a negative thought creeps before my lips. Since having that talk with my cousin last night, if a negative thought floats into my mind, I would literally shake my head as if I am trying to relieve access water from my hair. I hope you get it lol. That’s my way of releasing negative thoughts.
Right now…at this moment… I am preparing myself for the drive to California. I shit, showered and shaved and got my mind right. It’s crazy to think this is only half the journey. Only the tip of the fucking iceberg and I am mentally going through this shit already. There is no room for weakness from here on out. Even if I do at any point feel like giving up, I at least gotta pretend that I won’t. I feel with pretending to be the person you desire to be in this life, it will soon come to pass. My new motive/saying is “I Gotta Keep Going”. That’s it. That’s the on the money right there.
Stay Humble. Stay Focus. Vibrate Higher.
P.S. Remind you this is a spiritual journey as well. Lately, I have been seeing the numbers 444 quite a few times. Coincidently enough, I only saw 333 or 1111 only once or twice since I began this trip. Oh yes, I forgot, there are no coincidences.