Updated: Apr 9
The closer I get to thirty, the closer I am to realizing how I am such a fucking unicorn in this world. I am needed here, not only for my gifts and talents, but my overall BEING. I am a ball of sunshine that lights up people’s lives; whether it be my warm, loving energy or my sweet, captivating smile. Even though there are some people that may not see it this way, I make sure to keep a respectful distance and to hell with them! Each year that passes by, I seem to feel a bit different as far as maturity goes. I feel stronger with trusting my intuition and not being afraid to set more boundaries for myself. I am in a weird energy space right now. This Mercury retrograde has exposed some important matters of the heart and mind. There’s been numerous accounts of coincidences happening that has helped me realize that I am doing shit right for once. People from my past has reappeared briefly in my life that should've stayed gone. As soon as swiftly as they came, they disappeared leaving me with clarity as to why I cut them off in the first place. In this phase of my life, I’m not afraid to lose anyone anymore. If you want to leave, the door is right there. I am not going to beg or plead for people to stay in my life no longer. That’s whack anyway.
To my friends that has been rocking with me the longest, I salute you. Through this journey, I have come to the acception that some of you deeply understand me, whilst others never will. But, it’s cool. Different people are here for different reasons. I am not going to always be understood the way I desire to be and I must come to terms with that. I know I have only been 26 for two days now, but I have a clue of what I want thus far and that doesn’t include fakeness or half ass relationships of any kind. I am so done with being so fucking nice! This shit is exhausting. Yeah, I’m still going to be me, but to a certain degree. Something’s gotta give on my part. I have so many dreams and aspirations in life, and I want so badly for them to manifest in reality. I feel that my kindness and empathy is getting in the way of achieving some of those dreams. Not to mention, that these two emotions have the tendency to put me in a bad head space after I've done something for someone that didn't deserve it. I use to want to do so much for people and make them happy, especially my family. But my friends were right. I got my own life to live and I can’t worry about anyone else. My life has to become situated first before I can help anyone else.
No, I am not bitter, just aware. I know what I must do now in order for at least one of my dreams to come true; selfishness. I don’t plan on being a TOTAL bitch, but like I said, I am placing boundaries and doing more things that benefit me in the long run. My life is to not be mediocre nor traditional. I believe that, so meritocracy shall not be tolerated.
I pray for miracles and blessings over my life, as well as for comfort and understanding. At this moment, I welcome intimacy and gentleness from a person that just GETS IT! I ask for higher and more positive energy beings that are not only on the same level of consciousness as I am, but higher so I can learn from them. I do not wish to be in the same place as I was a year ago. A person that I used to know (and hope to never deal with again) has brought that to my attention. Even though I had some thoughts previously come up about it in private, he said it in a way that not only triggered the worst emotions inside me, but somehow triggered changed. I guess him being bad and boujee bitch this night was needed for me to see. I mean hey, God uses us all in this world and he served his purpose; at least for me.
I wish for nothing more in my life but dreams fulfilled and love. Everything else will fall in suit. Until next time, check out my podcast on all platforms except Apple Podcast. Whatever. I will put a link down below.
Stay Positive. Stay Focused. Vibrate Higher. Peace
P.S. Happy Birthday to ME