A Lump in My Throat
Updated: Apr 28
In my own experiences, I feel that at some point in life, you must RELEASE the ideas and actions of finding love. I don’t think anything good has happened from a person going out looking for love. I am one of those people. Every time the thought of finding love is heavy on my mind, that same energy goes out and brings someone who isn’t quite ready for love, or brings someone who’s indecisive about having a monogamist relationship. You can sit back and reflect on how going out and finding love has made an impact on your life, but for me and those like me, hasn't been so great and should maybe focus on themselves to attract a love that’s right for us. Apparently looking for it isn’t working and it’s a low vibrational energy to have.
As we all know, matters of the heart can be easily said than done. Forcing my heart to close to be more career and financially stable will be painful. Almost similar to the feeling of when you first meet someone you really like, and you wish to tell them so bad about how you feel, but pride and the fear of rejection gets in the way, so you’re just there holding in all these thoughts and emotions dreaming of the day you can say them out loud. My god, the feeling of swallowing all that love and light and burying it under the deep dark floor of your consciousness.... I say consciousness because the feeling will always be present in the somewhere in the front of your mind. Can you imagine that this is what has to be done in order for your dreams to manifest? It’s called Focus, tunnel vision, determination, and discipline. Everyone isn’t lucky enough to have a partner to weather the storm with them during those turbulent times of reaching your dreams. But look on the bright side, I know there are a few people in your corner supporting you, strangers maybe. With their support and your determination consider yourself winning.
The concept of love has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. I'm not sure as to why right now it's like tripled to making me more anxious, but I wish it would stop. I've been wanting a love of my own for a minute now, but then I'll have to pause that feeling to continue to work on myself. For a hopeless romantic like myself, this could be a challenge. So, what I'll do is go out looking for love in all the wrong places. The energy that I put out when I am looking for a partner, is not all good judging by what comes back to me. I have to tell it like it is, it's a desperate for love, low vibrational energy. How do I expect to attract the man of my dreams vibrating at that sort of frequency? Besides, a WOMAN truly in her power doesn't have to chase, a MAN takes care of that. It's his job. I will say that a woman has the option to be more aggressive when it comes to finding a mate, however, these women are usually already secure and validated within their feminine power. We can learn from this level of womanhood because eventually, we will become this woman. Other than that, I have come to the conclusion that chasing after a MAN is no a go! We've all done it. Love and relationships is all around and it's more amplified more than ever because of social media. However, I think if you go out there looking for a man with the intentions of dating and being in a relationship, women shouldn't go looking. By you turning the focus inward, it puts out a stronger and more attractive energy to whoever is on the same level as you. Let him/her find you. After that, the energy should be reciprocated and there shouldn't be a sense of imbalance. The energy should feel open and freeing with no bullshit.
A woman being in her power does NOT happen over night. It takes focus and experiences in life. Stepping into your power happens early as the beginning stages of knowing thyself. If you had parents in your life who taught you the value of self and accomplishing your dreams growing up, good for you! Life has given you a head start to build on top of these lessons. But, then they are others who started a bit late on this road to awakening; due to trauma, abuse, and/or not having the unconditional love needed when growing up. Nevertheless, wherever point in life she chooses to begin to Wake Up in her power, is when everything and everyone around her shifts either in or out. People, places and things start to have less of an impact or meaning depending on the person. A painful, yet sweet spiritual journey is ignited at this point, and a WOMAN has to Kill the little girl from her past that no longer serves her. I am not sure if you can tell, but I am talking about a woman who plans on being in her bag; making her life more sustainable for her future. I say ALL that to say this, when the focus is within, learning yourself and putting in work for your dreams, the right people will be attracted to you. You're energy will become magnetic and mesmerizing to the outside world, yourself even. This is where having a great sense of discernment comes to play to weed out who genuinely matches your energy. Your intuition is there for a reason.
I've noticed that when you focus on yourself, shit will start falling into place, including "the love of your life". When I hear all these celebrities or women in power tell younger girls to focus on themselves and their education and to not worry about boys, I thought they were just blowing smoke. But the older I get, the more I realize that these women are spittin'. Focus on being a Queen building her Queendom. A King or another Queen that is on the same frequency and vibration as you will see you. You'll start attracting people, places and things that are in your caliber, shaping YOUR world to become the way it should co-create with you. It's a beautiful thing. I am still in the beginning of building my Queendom and I had an epiphany last night. It was too the point where I wanted to shut off my brain for the overload of information. I began connecting the dots from many situations in life, to how and why people act the way they do and my mind is blown. Many connections are from childhood, and it hurts me to say the ones closest to me had experienced some pain. I wish nothing but strength and healing to the ones I love.
Awaken, become aware, build and the right shit will come to you. Remain having a positive and high frequency to the point where a mofo thinks twice to want to try you. Be so above it all spiritually, but take no shit. Remember to be humble, but it is okay to boast about yourself a bit. This called balance. I'm starting to add a routine with my writing which means putting them out twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I feel that's efficient. Lastly, ladies if you didn't get all of what the fuck I just said above, my point is focus on becoming a Queen, and your worthy King or Queen will do whatever it takes to get close to you. Until next time...
Stay Focused. Stay Positive. Vibrate Higher. Peace