Things Are Getting Shaky!
I’m not sure what it is about these last few months. I have been on a rollercoaster ride of terrible events and emotions. Of course, the evil events that has transpired were by my own hand, but the way this one particular incident turned out totally took me surprise. On top of that, I have been self-loathing and second guessing myself more than usual. The thought of going home has crossed my mind more than a few times. The feeling itself feels so right and safe. However, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be as happy if I went home right now. I still have these lingering feelings that L.A. is not done with me yet.
I know what you all are thinking. I should have just left, right? But then my fucking empathy boosters kept kicking in and then I thought how maybe I should let him redeem himself. Nope! The man was relentless in trying to get me into bed with him. Long story short I caved and I regret it entirely. There was no connection between him and I so I couldn’t enjoy it. There has to be some mental stimulation with me guys, sorry not sorry. Yeah, so I will never be seeing him again. I blocked him social media and I deleted his number. I know what you all are thinking. I should have just left, right? But then my fucking empathy boosters kept kicking in and then I thought maybe, I should let him redeem himself. Nope! BAD DECISION! SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT LIKE IT WAS! But you know what I learned today, there are no such things as bad relationships/encounters. It means that that person showed what you don't like and what to do when it happens again. #lessons
I have been thinking about my future; if whether I would be successful or not. I'm guessing these thoughts don't go away. Keeping a positive mind is achievable but hard. There are moments when I feel as if I am not putting in enough work! Lately, I haven't had the energy to do much of anything because of my job. I have been working later than usual, not that I am complaining because I need the money, but, I haven't had any motivation to write that much anymore. Thank goodness I am writing this now, huh! But, this is my blog, you know. It's easier to write down your thoughts and feelings. I am talking about writing what I was truly meant for, a book! I have all these ideas in my head about how my novel is suppose to go. I even take the time to write my ideas in these little notepads of what's going to happen next. Nevertheless, for some reason, picking up my laptop and writing the story is fucking unbelievable to me. As soon as I turn on the damn screen I immediately get sleepy, and then fall asleep! I am pathetic (lol). I spend most of my time thinking about writing but I never do it... on the laptop. That's the kicker because that's where it really matters. I can hand write all day long. Complete laziness combined with a tremendously slow, hand-me-down, old laptop that needs to be wiped clean.
I’m I promise people, I'll get it together one of these days. Shit, I have too. My bank account needs to match my desires. I am so sick of looking in there and reading " $0" balance. Although my day is coming, I must take it one step at a time and remember that life is about patience with not only with it, but myself too. Until next time...
Stay Focused. Stay Positive. Vibrate Higher. Peace