So, I am a hoarder of Journal books. I have all types of hard back, paper back, journals made with the pretty, metallic flowers on it. I have written in almost all of them. Surprisingly, I kept all my journals from when I was a kid and man oh man! I tell you----talk about depressing. Nevertheless, this blog post isn’t about the journals stacked high in the corner of my dresser. I am coming to you today to discuss purpose.
I have been thinking a lot lately (which is an understatement) about my purpose here in this lifetime. I am one of those people who believes that they have lived many lives and that energy, your energy, lives on forever. You see, I am a sensitive, kind hearted woman. I am always there to lend a helping hand, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I am gentle by nature and very slow to anger. I have fire within me, but, that doesn’t come out as much as I would like. My point is, with these qualities comes disruptive intentions from people. Sometimes I feel as if I attract all the beggars and the liars with hidden agendas. The funny thing about it is that I can sense this kind of energy before it even enters my space. I have only met a few people in my life whose intentions were genuine.
My energy and though process is literally all over the universe. First, I want to become an author, then I want to become a plus-size fashion designer, and now I want to become a plus-size model. I cannot stick to one thing at a time because I all I care about is being great at whatever I am perusing. Writing has always been my main squeeze. But, have you ever gotten the feeling that maybe, what you have been doing or fantasizing about for most of your life, isn’t really what you are supposed to be doing? What is your purpose, your itch? Meditating only seems to work in movies or for those on YouTube channels with over two million followers. My thoughts are too congested for that kind of concentration, but you know what they say, practice makes perfect.
I have tried to surround myself with those who were just like me, but that is hard to find. I don’t think I attract the artsy kind of people that I would like to hang out with. It is always the opposite; the “LET’S GET LIT!” gang and the ones that know every kind of alcohol out there. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with turning up once in while but there are times when I want to talk about writing and learning how to network within my field. For as long as I could remember I knew what I wanted to do; to become a best-selling author, writer many books, live off my wealth in a big, colorful house whether it’s with a family or by my lonesome. I dream of having a successful career first before love. Even though that seems like a death sentence to me, I feel it’s necessary. Funny this is, I get the feeling that I won’t find companionship until I fulfill my purpose in becoming a true writer.
Deep down, it’s like I know all the answers but I’m still unsure. I doubt my gifts and abilities because of my insecurities. I can’t stand it! Then there are days where I have this energy where I can do and be anything! It could be something so small, like getting thirteen new views on my Facebook page for “True Love Never Comes Twice”. That can change my entire mood from Eeyore (Winnie the Pooh) to Oprah. Yep, huge leap!
To some things up a little, I can’t help what is me. Neither can I help how I feel or what goes through my mind at dark times. On the other hand, I can try to change my thoughts and make them more positive and optimistic. Training my being to be more patient and faced with reality by meditating on the question that we all ask ourselves, “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose?” I’m sure I’ll find the answer and when I do, I AM NOT TELLING ANYONE SHIT! Just kidding, I will shed some light on the matter when am my best version of me.
Stay Positive. Stay Focused. Vibrate Higher.