OMW 2 L.A.
Do you ever have the fear in believing in yourself? As if believing yourself is frowned upon by others, or maybe, you just don’t trust yourself. Every self-help book in the world has this concept of believing in yourself first before doing anything else. The people that write those books make it sound so easy; like coloring outside the lines in a coloring book. Believing in yourself most certainly cannot happen overnight. I know this because I’m going through it right now. Believing that I am going to California, no matter what, and for everything to turn out alright, is hard to BELIEVE because of all the strong possibilities of things turning left.
I’m confident that I'll get there safely. That’s not the issue. It is the fear and excitement of the unknown! I feel that I am young enough to make mistakes, but I do not want to get stuck so far away from home. I have been wrecking my mind about it every single day. I don’t know how to tell my family nor my friends about how I feel. The best thing I came up with in getting my feelings out is writing in this blog; writing my deepest thoughts on a post because I am too embarrassed to tell them to a person. I am frightened to say that I don’t have a place to live and that shits scary. I am afraid that I will turn the wrong corner while driving and suddenly, get stopped by the police (if I do I’m a goner). I don't want anyone projecting their fears onto me, trying to scare me into staying home.
Staring into my mother’s eyes as she listens to my half-ass plan, is daunting. I can see the worry in the creases of her face as she turns away or twists her lips. The thought that she can’t look me in the eyes because she is afraid that I may notice her despair, causes my heart to sink. A mother’s love is unconditional. My mother has no choice but to worry about me and I can understand that. She birthed me and raised me. My father is the same way, however, he's more honest with his words. He can tell that I am not as confident as I should be. It's written all over my face. He does his best by giving me the rundown of the do's and dont's of living in Los Angeles; even though he hasn't been there himself. Everything he was trying to warn me about, I have already heard by the way of friends that live out there. Nevertheless, my precious parents are never going to get over being worried about me being out here by myself. I am doing my best to keep my head up. Even though, I have all these doubts, I can’t shake the feeling that deep down, I know I’ll be okay. It’s not like I can stay here in Cleveland, I refuse.
Like I have stated before many times, I am on a spiritual journey. I am exploring all things spiritual that feed my soul every day. The only annoying matter about this whole journey is eating right. I have read many books and listened to many videos on how what you eat, says a lot about you. Now, I am a fluffy girl, always have been and I like being that way, however, I would like to be a tad bit smaller. Nothing too major. I must believe/know within myself that I will prevail. I've been feeling a change in my spirit that requires all my attention; the impulse to be the highest version of myself in this life. I must be BOLD, but with much grace. I have these visions to be POWERFULLY DIVINE, yet humble; the need to be FIERCELY CONFIDENT, and at the same time tender. This may seem like a lot but to me, it will be worth it. I've learned that fear is one of many ways that your intuition speaks to you. It can hold you back but in the same breath, it can give you the courage to go after what needs to be done (in goodness and light of course).
I am taking note of where my mind is at this moment and paying very close attention to how my body feels. I want to recognize the feeling of what it's like before I make a big decision, so when it happens again, I’ll remember what to do and which voice to listen too. Believing in yourself is a choice. Going after your passion and what you believe in brings success, peace, and happiness and not just in the material world. But the spiritual world within as well. The Law of Attraction is a powerful tool. This is my new lesson I am learning on my journey.
Only two more weeks until I touch down in L.A. Let’s see what the universe brings. Until next time…
Stay Humble. Stay Focus. Vibrate Higher.