My Ex Was A Narcissist, Here's The Story
At the time, I had no idea what a narcissist was. I'm not going to tell you what I thought the word originally meant (it had something to do with fires). Anyways, all I knew was that something wasn't right with this boy. For years, I found myself in a roller-coaster of emotions. We would literally confess our love and care for one another one day and then we'll be arguing the next. They arguments were always intense. It wasn't until I was three years in when I decided to take a step back and analyze our whole "situationship". It was then that I realized he fit the textbook description of a narcissist and I knew he wasn't good for me.
I met him on an online dating website called TAGGED. Not many people remember it strangely enough. It was a very popular site with picking up one night stands, weirdos and stalkers. Much like Tinder or Instagram today. At the time, my friends persuaded me to make a profile even though I didn't want too. Long story short, after many dead ends of meeting new people, he, lets call him Que, messaged me one day and it caught my eye. He was really cute. It was his eyes that really got me. Then, it was dark curly hair, his strong facial structure that God seemed to take his time with, his full lips and last but certainly not least, his height. He was everything I wanted in a guy and I couldn't believe that he liked me back. Almost immediately he asked me for my number and the rest was history.
Nothing seemed off to me at first. He was sweet, sensitive and able to keep a conversation going; he as more than able to keep a smile on my face that's for sure. I also noticed how in love he was with himself. We would talk every night until the wee hours of the morning about our dreams of meeting each other and how he loved music. Que made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. His tongue was slicker than water. The way he spoke turned me on so much, the temperature in my bedroom would become unbearable. I almost could not explain it! Everything he said made me…swoon and made me want to throw him off a building altogether! He had a temper that I liked and I had one on me as well. He liked that, until we actually disagreed on something.
When I tell you that our arguments were intense, that just being nice about it! They could get very gruesome. Calling each other names and hitting below the belt with insults you shouldn't say to anyone unless they're your enemy. Mind you, we're doing all of this over the phone. I didn't get to actually meet him face to face until three years later when I got my first apartment. Ugh, red flag! At that very moment upon meeting him I felt something was wrong. He seemed very distant and different than how he portrayed himself to be over the phone. He wouldn't look me in the eyes when we talked and he didn't do the things that he said he was going to do when we first met. I noticed how shy he was; not the bold guy I thought I was getting to know. Nevertheless, on the outside he was everything I wanted. Since the day he stepped foot into my house, is when all hell broke loose.
I never argued with anyone as much as I argued with him. He would tell me that I am overreacting to how HE MADE ME FEEL! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Everything was my fault and he was the one that failed at communicating. I am queen at communicating! It nearly seemed impossible for me to get any time from him because he was always "busy". Mind you, we lived in the same state and he was only about an hour away. Yet, he made it so hard for us to be under one another. I would go days without talking to him and I didn't like that. I had in my mind that we were working towards being together,but boy was I wrong! He claimed I was being too sensitive and I needed to check myself because I was wrong. That was his favorite line, "you were wrong! You've been wrong". The nerve of this guy! He was always right, never wrong and he made every conversation about him. I cannot recall a time when he asked me how my day was or how I was feeling. After arguing with this man for hours, I would feel completely drained. I began questioning my worth and asking myself why I put up with this shit.
Despite the other guys I went out with, I still made time for him. What a dummy I was! He would call after a month of us not talking and make up some crappy apology. This was one of our regimens; argue, hang up, not speak for a month, talk again, argue and repeat. It was insanity... like the truest definition of the word. But for the life of me, I could not let him go so easily. I found myself more emotionally attached than before; unable to keep myself from arguing back with him while, yet again, questioning my worth as a lover. The things Que taunted me about actually caused me to second guess my values. Many of the things he said were very hurtful and he made me feel so low. Still, he had nothing to do with why we were arguing so much or why we couldn't stay away from one another. The whole situation was toxic. I had no choice but to be strong and end it. I had to stop answering his calls and giving him what he wanted. I forbid myself to step back into the same cycle. However, I must admit it was hard. You see, Que was the only one at the time that I felt that cared about me because he took the time to seriously argue and tell me he loved me. Nevertheless, deep down I knew everything about what we were wasn't healthy.
He would call numerous times back to back but I didn't answer. I blocked his number but that didn't help, he would call privately. It took me to tell him a couple of no's to get him off my back… and it worked. Finally, he stopped calling. It has been more than a few months now and it feels good to have that toxic energy out of my life. There are times when he would cross my mind, but, I'll quickly dismiss it. Those four years I had with him is nothing I want back.
I am glad I had this experience with a grade A narcissist. Now, I know what to look for in a relationship. I had to touch up my standards a bit and work on myself for no one will ever make me question my worth again.
We must learn from our mistakes people. It is very important to digest these events that come into our lives so we won't have to repeat them again. Let me know in the comments if you ever had an encounter with a person who was a narcissist. I'd love to hear your stories.