Back Like I Never Left! A Positive But Shitty Universal Shift
I can’t remember the last time I wrote in my blog. For the ones that kept up with my stories and growth, I am sorry. For the ones that didn’t pay me any attention, fuck you too. According to when my last blog was posted, it’s been over three months. I could trauma dump everything on you in pristine detail to the point where you’ll be gagging for air, or I can give you the recycled version, not giving all the twists and turns but it’s a good chance you’ll still be gagging. I’m thinking more of the second gagging story too, and to be honest, the first is more writing than I care to write; being that I haven’t touched a keyboard in months. Don’t worry, as a writer, I thought about writing every day. But that’s all.
My mother, cousin, and I have been living in a two-family, two-bedroom for three months now. It's been alright and I honestly have not many complaints. If you ask my mother and cousin, they’ll tell a different story. We've been having some issues with the young girl downstairs that has resulted in two disagreements thus far. The second one was the prettiest of them all; on both parties, I will say. The girl's boyfriend blocked my mother in from moving forward of the grass on which she parks daily. Now, why would you do that? Now, there was more than enough space for her to reverse but my mother, being a paying tenant (and the petty queen) felt she shouldn’t have to reverse. The hard and striking sound of her horn going off repeatedly at 9 o’clock in the morning was enough to make anyone cuss her the fuck out. Once I found out it was her, I was a bit surprised but also proud. I feel like it’s necessary for someone around you to be the petty one. That’s how shit gets done, I think we all can agree. “I pay rent here!! He DON'T live here!! HE NEEDS TO MOVE!! I’VE BEEN TOO NICE!!” And she very much has. The first incident was compromising enough, so I understand how she felt. Then my sister and our sergeant sister pulled up after my mother left adding gas to the fire. Or at least they tried. All that yelling and cussing didn’t do anything but give her a headache. The girl stayed inside the house and didn’t say a word until the landlord arrived.
Let's see, what else? Oh! How can I forget that my friendship circle is becoming obsolete by the day? I’m not totally sure if it’s me, or the situations that I find myself in where I question my closest friend's loyalty. In this case, the third-party situation had some unrequited issues that she wasn’t saying out loud. Little do people understand, your behavior, mannerisms, and most importantly YOUR ENERGY will REVEAL how you feel all the time. Fortunately, but unfortunately, I can tell all these things about a person because I am an observer----always have been. Long story short, my friend has been very active/outgoing with this friend of hers, and even though this is not a problem (I love that she has this because I don’t go anywhere), there are some issues that I brought to her attention that she does differently with her that I've been begging her to do with me. I get that certain folk brings out a different side of your personality. I get that a person can get this sudden rush of ecstasy or purpose when they meet someone who makes them feel... alive! As I said, I get it. But I've been here. I do have issues of insecurities', I am highly introverted, and I don’t really like clubs or crowds but I’m sure we can do other things.
My friend had a birthday party. It was fun and we had fun together. I went home after the club because I thought that was it. Her third-party situation didn’t think to include me in any of the other festivities and I am her best friend. Ok, whatever. Her dinner party comes around and the other friend starts being extra about opening my gifts. I didn’t like that and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one that night that didn’t like it either. I know because I look at facial expressions because people can't hide how they feel on the face. That moment was the icing on the cake for me. At that moment, I had a sense of clarity about our friendship as well as my place in her life. After that, I didn’t feel like talking. I had a lot of shit going on ya’ll. My coffee business was taking off! The week after I had my first pop-up event at bro’s poetry night at his photography/art studio. My friend didn’t come after I've been posting about it for weeks. That got me tight too. Nevertheless, I kept going. I was on a cloud for how many pop-up events I was booking back-to-back, and they were going well! On top of that, I am constantly doing internal shadow work. My goal is to do what’s best for me. It's bad enough I have problems with letting people go as is. For the life of me, I didn’t want to see myself stuck in another karmic cycle. I KNOW God has tested me lately, and I have failed both tests because I am not strong enough of letting people go that should have been gone. That’s one of my toxic traits. But let me tell you this, when you ignore the signs and the feelings God has placed on you, the Universe will make sure you’re gonna get the message one way or another. I got the message, and I must say it was pretty fucked up how it all played out.
On December 13th on my way to work, around 6:45 in the morning, I got into my first car accident. The Jeep that I just purchased for myself as a gift to myself two months prior, was fucking totaled. I was sick. The whole situation was overwhelming as hell, my mom and pop came to my rescue, but I know Mothadarlin was pissed because it was under her insurance, the accident turned out to be my fault and I knew deep down it was. I didn’t want to fight it, but I felt like lying to myself to ease the disappointment from my mother. By the way, my mother said she wasn’t upset, but I felt like she was because she was too calm for my liking during this whole ordeal. Immediately after the accident, a thought struck me like lighting that I definitely knew was from my higher self---- “if this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is”. I explained to God that sign was pretty fucking drastic, but I digress. I was prepared to roll with the punches because I knew everything was going to work out fine. It was apparent to me that I would be closing this chapter of my life with a bang.
There’s more to this spiel, but I am going to end it here for now. This blog is getting a little too long for my liking. Catch me next week for losing parts of your old self causes you to slowly lose your mind. Until next time...
Stay Positive. Stay Focused. Vibrate Higher. Peace