Still Under the Wire

Man, oh, man… I haven’t been tired like this in a long time. I told my mother it’ll be another ten to twenty years before I ever help her move again! Yes, it’s that serious, and for those that think I’m being petty never moved someone with “hoarding” qualities before. So, forget ya’ll. I learned many things about my mother this past week; one of them being a toxic trait of not being able to let go. With her being a mother, I can understand holding onto our baby clothes, elementary and middle school awards, and even our first birthday cards. But not most of our baby and adolescent adult teeth are kept underneath a porcelain circus horse. As a person, I can understand saving the ashes of your deceased relatives, videotapes from the ’90s and early 2000s, but not a box full of plastic silverware covered in spiders and garage dust, OR, a thirty-two-year-old suitcase full of CDs. I can’t with her. I talked about her precious ass the entire time. I tried to throw some of her stuff away in the garage that I didn’t think she needed and I was dead wrong for that! You know she went inside of the trash can and fished all that shit out?! I was completely baffled. But, you what, that’s my momma and I gotta love her, quirks and all.

After much dismay and petty, annoying arguments throughout, we finally got all the furniture moved and into its designated places for n

ow. At this point, my family and I are displaced. Been that way for over a month now. We are all mentally drained at this point. Nothing much to do but to keep filing our applications and waiting for someone to pick us.

Meanwhile, I still haven’t finished the necessities for my business plan. I haven’t forgotten about it for one minute, it’s just a lot going on right now. The concept of getting the ball rolling on House of Espresso & Tea is always in the front of my mind. I cannot let this dream slide. I’ve been taking one day at a time, patiently waiting for this nightmare of finding a permanent home for my family to be over. This is another stressful transition in my life. To add to the pain, another long-time friend of mine decided to show his ugly head and uproot himself out of my life. He said some off-the-wall shit about another friend of mine (a woman) and I didn’t like it. His reasoning for his statement was to surely get under my skin. He then used what he said as an excuse because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted. I’ll take it that him not speaking to me for two weeks is a pride thing and I completely understand that. But you must admit, it’s beginning to get a little ridiculous, especially because of how close we were. I told him the truth about how I felt many times. After that, what you choose to say, feel and do, is on you. I wouldn’t say or do certain things to a person that has already denied their feelings for me, but that’s just me. I’ve done it before in the past, and I realized how hurtful and stupid it made me feel. If you can’t handle someone as a friend, then maybe you shouldn’t be in their life at all. It’s the only way to heal from the pain you're inflicting on your heart. I feel that may have been the case this last time. The days are going by and still, nothing. If my friend never comes back, I’ll have no choice but to accept it. I honestly do not see anything I did wrong in the last situation, and knowing him, he’s expecting me to call and apologize and tell him how I don’t want to lose him like the last argument we had. After that last argument, I swore to myself that I will never do that shit again for ….certain people. His arrogant mentality had me taking everything back that night. It was a serious nerve pincher.

But, no matter, life will go on. It has no choice but to keep going whether we are grieving, happy, or content. Going on with the days can feel so painful when you’re hurting. But they seem to go by so fast when you’re happy. It seems that happiness, only lasts for a moment, when sadness seems to last for what seems like an eternity. Nevertheless, time flies by. Friendly to nobody. People come and go in this life, and sometimes it may hurt a lot. The pain of empty presence gets easier as time moves along… and we get older and start to learn more of life’s lessons that may bring up clarity and peace. Oh, how I envy those people. But you know what they say… just keep on living. Until next time…

Do Your Best…

Stay Positive. Stay Focused. Vibrate Higher. Peace