I am coming up on my two-year marker in August of being in “Lost” Angeles, and I am not sure how to feel about it. People that come out here from different places say that it takes two to three years to get yourself situated out here, and they weren’t wrong. It took me a year to realize that I needed two sources of income in order to keep myself afloat, and it didn’t took me a year afterwards to realize that privacy is a luxury and it will cost you. Now I see why some people stretch themselves thin out here; they don’t want any weird or nasty roommates. I feel them wholeheartedly, but if you’re not making at least three times the rent, you can forget about it… unless you finesse some shit. I’m not going to expose the game you have to directly ask me.
Come to think of it, I did come a long way. Most of the time when I tell my story to other people, I don’t think it’s all that great but they remind me that a lot of people wouldn’t of went through what I went through. It wasn’t shit to me because I knew the situation was temporary and I was trying to get to know the city as best as I could. I had the mindset to keep pushing and I did. Not sure why it seems so hard nowadays. Even though I moved from the old lady’s house into something “better”, I am still not as comfortable as I portray. I want more. Nothing would make me happier than to have the joy and stability like I had in Cleveland; my own apartment, a nice car, money on the side to do what I please, bills paid, etc… I was living in Cleveland. Here, I am taking a lot of compromises and I am starting to think if it’s actually worth it or not. It shouldn’t take ME another year to decide if this is where I want to be, and you know what it’s not.
Los Angeles has taught me a lot about myself. I’ll always appreciate the strength the city has brought out of me. It has taught me that I am able to overcome the toughest situations, I am not afraid of starting over, and people aren’t all that bad. The last part is saying a lot for L.A. Anyways, I’ve been deciding to make another move either back home or someplace else. The home front is seem to feel more pleasurable at the moment. I miss everybody and it really bothers me that my little darling cousins don’t know who I am. I know I didn’t come around before, but they still knew that I existed. Deep down, I wish there was a way to still follow my dreams while with the comfort of my family and friends. However, I know it’s only a matter time before another change is needed for soul, and I’ll have to book it again. On one hand, I don’t mind the jumping around because I feel that’s how my spirit is fed; by experiencing new places and different cultures makes me feel alive. On the other hand, having a good enough reason to stay home and feel secure creeps into my mind from time to time. I don’t know, maybe I need to jump around until I find a place that reminds me of home. My desires are to see the world and all its wonders, even the rural areas of New Orleans.
Doing what feels good to me is new. Most of the times, I am so focused on what other people may think, but then I realized that living in this element causes for a sad existence. At the end of the day, those people with their opinions is living their lives how they want, but with much ignorance has something to say about yours. It doesn’t make sense to me. It’s very hard for other being s to mind their business. Of course, I am not saying that people can’t voice their opinion, but when you do, make sure your shit is straight first before you go judging someone else. Speak life and love into the person, not your fears and negativity. There’s enough of that in the world already.
I also want to note that I am listening to a lot of different kinds of artists these days. They’re not exactly mainstream and I feel it’s for good reason; their music is too real. Shout out to OSHUN and EARTHGANG. Their music has really been helping with my mental health as far as sorting through these curious thoughts as to who I am and what I think is not crazy as I thought. Blessings to everyone that has been keeping up with me. Ya'll the REAL MVP. Until next time...
Stay Positive. Stay Focused. Vibrate Higher. Peace