We Making Moves! Doing...Something.

Me and Mothadarlin 2016

“God, it’s me again. I see what you do for others. I am coming to you asking for this plane to be empty so I can sit comfortably and stretch out my legs, lordt!” No, but for real. For Mother’s Day, I’ve decided to go home and visit my immediate family for the week. My mother couldn’t be happier really. She’s telling me everything that she’s going to cook and do when I get home, and it feels good. I love my mother, she’s such a mother if you know what I mean. If I give her the chance, before I wake up in the morning, she’ll be making breakfast and while doing laundry; making me feel like a college home from break and she gets to take care of me again. Whatever may come of this weekend with her and my fam, I will certainly enjoy it.

I can’t wait to go back to the chilly weather. Fifty degrees and sunny skies is more my speed in the beginning of the Spring months. We’ve been catching hell out here in “Lost” Angeles; eighties and nineties all week! I can’t stand heat like that. Now, before you go off saying, “Well why did you move out there then?” you should know that at the time, I didn’t give a shit about the weather. For those that have been following me since the beginning knows why I came out here in the first place. The smell of grass, trees and the crispy Spring air will ring throughout my body once I get off that plane. I know it, and I can’t wait. In other news, the stock market seems to be cooling off this week. On my Robin Hood account, most of my “High Rollers Club” list is in green, meaning stocks are increasing making money. I only have two I am investing in right now until I can figure out exactly how this game is played. I think that’s smart. I am fortunate enough to have a bit of an itch in business. I don’t know enough about the stock market, like I am not a genius, but I am smart enough to research the companies and realize which are a commodity right now, even during a pandemic. I find pleasure in reading the articles about the stock market. It’s crazy because now I am checking my phone at least more than twenty times a day. It’s starting to become fun to me. All that fun right into my bank account. I’m getting the hang of it. However, I feel that sometimes, RobinHood doesn’t like for me to be great. Every time I buy a call on company for a specific day, it cancels out of nowhere before the deadline. It’s done that to me so many times! I could be making hella money, but no! They keep kicking me out of my call options. The money is there in my account to take from, but it cancels. It’s weird.

Last week was bad. Just about EVERY company of importance during this pandemic was down, especially Tesla, Netflix and Google, I think, and that’s according to my list of companies I keep track of. I know a couple people who miserably lost money last week and they were sick about it. Shit, hearing how much my one friend lost, I was sick for them. I believe it was around three-thousand dollars. FUCK THAT! I would have quit right then and there and said fuck the stock market! But that’s what happens when you’re in the trading game. You literally, “win some or you lose some. But you live. You live to fight another day,” Pops a.k.a., John Witherspoon’s character from Friday.

Lastly, during these trying times, I’ve learned that I self-sabotage myself more than I’ve cared to realize. When it comes to matters of the heart, it‘s hard for me to go with the flow because of what happened to me in my past. I still carry on negative thoughts and manners to keep myself from getting hurt all over again. Even though I know this kind of behavior isn’t good for future relationships (just about every movie or love song has said so), I didn’t realize how bruised I was not to recognize when I find a good man or not. It has come to my understanding that I am still hurting and it’s getting in the way of something that could have potential. But, the fear of fully opening my heart is stunting me. Man, I thought I was strong enough to forget this shit. I thought I‘d have the will power to SEE if I have a good one or not. The more I think about the time it may takes to heal from this, the more I feel that maybe, I need a man that is willing to help me heal through this pain I’ve experienced. Will he be open to doing such a task? I wish I was sure right now, because at this moment, I think I overwhelmed him with my emotions. Nevertheless, if it’s meant to be, it will be. His words not mine, but, coincidentally also the words of the universe. I’ll let ya’ll know briefly how it turns out. Until next time, I’ll be in Cleveland…

Stay Focused. Stay Positive. Vibrate Higher. Peace