When Will It Be Alright?

“Everything is possible, if you believe.”- Anonymous

Welcome back to another blog of mine. I hope you’re all doing well during the last few weeks of the shit show some people may call, 2020. I, for one, can’t call it that. This year has been good to me. No matter the ups and downs I’ve had, I am still here and thriving. Nothing too much to report on the home front of “Lost” Angeles yet. No, just the same old tune of me desperately wanting a connection to the city or deciding when I’m calling it quits. Be smart, I am not abandoning my dreams. I am dreaming to simply change sceneries; which may happen sooner than later.

That’s right! I am making the move to live elsewhere. I am not disclosing the location yet. I feel I have settled on a place, but with my crazy brain, that can change tomorrow. Funny thing is, making the decision to move actually feels right. The feeling is comparable to the decision I’ve made before deciding to come to L.A. That’s how I know it’s right. Besides, as I mentioned before numerous times in recent blogs, I am not meant to stay in one place. My life is meant to be explored. In the same breath, my life doesn’t feel as upbeat as it seems. It’s a bit difficult to explain how I am feeling right now for I'm not exactly sure. I could be in the midst of a transformation? But it doesn’t feel like my spirit is transforming. I’ve gained knowledge about trading on the stock market. Then I lost it all in a month. I have a friend who gave me a recommendation for an auto loan. However, I am too nervous to take it and I need a new car bad! According to my living expenses, a car note would be living above my means. Ya’ll don’t understand how desperate I am to live comfortably again. Renting a room with strangers in a house is not what I would like to do any longer. I would like my own shit. It’s been two years. I’m not sure what to do but to get another job. Then, I won’t have time to enjoy my space that I am paying for because I’m always working. No thank you! What else is there to do to get out of this hell?! When will it be alright?!

I haven’t been sleeping the best lately either. I’ve been tossing and turning much more at night and I can’t seem to get comfortable. I know my snoring has gotten worse due to the extra pounds I put on. For some reason, my brain has yet to get that under control. A constant struggle and a constant thorn in my side all my life. Literally shaking my head. Don’t feel any pity for me though. It’s my own doing. I am in my own way. The problem is, I have yet to claim discipline/routine for that “touchy” area of my life. I wish someone could teach me, or better yet, do it with me. Apparently, I am unable to do this by myself. I really don’t want to do this alone. I …am…always…alone. I’ve got many things on my mind that I need to do with no idea where to start. I’ve tried making a list again, but the number one thing it comes down to is another and/or an increase source of income. I think maybe, for the first time in my life, I need to ask for some serious help. Oh god! That just made me wince in pain. That independent quality I have stamped over my head is rubbing off kinda’ fast. Nevertheless, it’s necessary. I need to acquire some things in order to live the life I’ve envisioned for myself. Firstly, my body needs to get comfortable, however that may come. Until next time…

Stay Focused. Stay Positive. Vibrate Higher. Peace